Just Say No-Magnon

ABC's new show, Cavemen? A total and utter piece of excrement. What the hell were they thinking? Yes, the Geico ads are cool, but that's because they're freakin' thirty seconds long, and they have a point! A thirty minute sitcom, however? Bleeearrrrgh!

The show doesn't know what it wants to be. Basically all they've done is take a very lame, exceptionally badly written sitcom, and thrown in a few cavemen who act in a way almost indistinguishable from anyone else. There's nothing to capitalize on the caveman idea except (A) the occasional mention that they're...gasp...cavemen, and (B) the caveman make-up.

And let's talk about that make-up. They're guys with long hair and beards! Criminently, by that criteria, I'M a @#$% caveman! The only other distinguishing features are a sometimes-wider-nose and a slight cranial ridge (which means they're about half as "different" from normal humans as the average character on one of the latter-day Star Trek shows).

Pretty much everything I wanted to see done with this premise was already done (and better) by either the Geico commercials, or by Phil Hartman as the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

I can only hope that this is pulled mid-season, along with the turgid and unfunny Carpoolers (is there any way we could have the carpoolers run over the cavemen, and then commit seppuku from the shame?).

There are plenty of great shows on TV at the moment, including Friday Night Lights, House, Heroes, Prison Break, Life, The Office, My Name is Earl, 30 Rock, and others. What we don't need is more high-concept, low-quality filler like Cavemen making television the vast wasteland it's sometimes accused of being.

Me no like Cavemen! Urrrrggghh!