I, of course, think this is a steaming pile of Al Jaffee. Who the hell lives their life that way? It's like a more passive-aggressive form of a pre-nup agreement or something. Wasn't it Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rider who said you can't live your life in fear?
More importantly, what the @#$% is wrong with me that I'm quoting Nicholas Cage as Ghost Rider?
Anyway, I feel like talking about my sweetie Lea today. I just want to mention a few of the things that put a big smile on my face every time I'm around her:
* Without a doubt the funniest woman I've ever met. And no, I don't just say that because she laughs at my jokes (or because she may be the only other living human who appreciates the "orange for a head" joke as much as I do). Her timing, sense of irony, wordplay, everything...just perfect.
* She has this adorable little space between her two front teeth, like Lauren Hutton or something. The first time she smiled at me, I melted faster than the nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
* Her crazy Canadian pronun-skiation. Like when she goes into the fruits and vegetables section of Safeway, and refers to the assembled as "prah-dyoos." Conversely, it's kind of cute when she makes fun of the way I say words like "Chilliwack" and "Saskatchewan."
* She GETS me. I don't have to explain myself when I make some off-hand comment about Marty Allen or Anita Gillette. Even though we grew up two thousand miles apart, we seem to share most of the same cultural references. And believe me folks, you don't know how much that can mean. If you doubt me, try dating someone from Calcutta or someone twenty years younger than you sometime. You'll end up wanting to eat your own damned head.
*She likes driving. Or more accurately, she likes sitting in the car while I drive. And that's fine by me. Few things make me happier than tooling down the highway, radio playing something spiffy, with someone I love by my side (especially in the wee hours of the night).
*She cooks like nobody's business. Pancakes, muffins, roasts, salads, steaks, smoothies, you name it. And she really APPRECIATES good food, too.
* She gives a rat's ass about me. Yeah, I know what you're saying. "Shouldn't that be a given, Troy?" Well, maybe it should, but it isn't always. With Lea, though, I feel like she genuinely wants the best for me. She tries to get me to eat well and exercise, she urges me to get more of my writing published, she goes out of her way to make me happy, and all of it because she wants me to feel successful and content. And THAT, ladies and gents, is a sure sign of love, more so than such flashy accoutremon as personalized tattoos or edible undies...
* She sticks with it. We've been together for several years now, and it hasn't always been easy. The distance and other issues have really torn at us from time to time, but she's still here. Lesser folks might've given it up by now, but she's one tough cookie when it comes to stuff like this. And thank god she is.
So anyway, unwritten rules of writing be damned. I love Lea with all my heart.
We now return you to the non-mushy portion of this blog...