Sunday, July 15, 2007

Meet the Peanut Gallery

So here's a new feature of this new blog. Let's take some time to learn about the assembled. We'll start with a friend of mine whose blog is the first link I've added to the site. Ladies and gentlemen, Erin Palette.

Let me use this space to tell the truth about Palette, the truth as only someone who goes through her garbage can tell it. Let me clue you in on the length and breadth and width and girth of Palette, the seismic and balsamic readings of Palette, the very things that make Palette what she is: somebody I'm writing about.

Erin Palette keeps herself looking young by an arcane ritual involving the prostatic fluid of Mr. Ben Vereen.

To say Erin Palette is acquainted with the night is like saying Monica Lewinsky's va-jay-jay is acquainted with Bill Clinton's cigar. The night has overwhelmed Palette, and turned her into its medieval puppydog bitch.

Erin Palette has the intelligence to use the word "jejune," but not the wisdom to keep from doing it.

If an infinite number of Erin Palettes sat at an infinite number of typewriters, they'd be working on really out-of-date equipment.

She was born with a superfluous fifth elbow.

Palette used to work for the library, but they kept finding her with her decimals all dewy.

Erin Palette was mentioned by name in Jim Shooter's "little fucks" memo.

When she was a teen-ager, Erin Palette and her date were parked in a car on a deserted road. They heard a noise and quickly drove off, nearly paralyzed with fear. The next morning, when they checked the car, they found hanging from its door handle...a bloody hookworm!

Palette once asked me if I wanted a "hertz donut," and when I said yes, she pierced my chest with a clawhammer.

She was the original choice to play Linc on "The Mod Squad," but producers felt she wasn't "Jewish enough."

Erin Palette has taught me what it really means to be dizzy.

Palette is our first line of defense if the United States is invaded by Port Orange.

She has the world's largest collection of crotchless hats.

Erin's doesn't have her mojo working, but it does get a sweet SSI check every month.

When it comes down to it, I'm proud to call her someone I almost sort of know in a weird internet kind of way.


NuclearToast said...

I refuse to subscribe to your subliminal blogvertising.

Slickriptide said...

So Part Three is posted on someone else's blog?

I'm sure there's some pseudo-mystical gestalt to the whole thing that will come clear to me if I only read it three times.

The bit with the photo from Wizard providing the artwork for the "origins of Common Grounds" story was very interesting.

What are the chances of ever seeing the original Holy Cruller's comics on the web? I think I've asked this before, but I don't recall a definitive answer - Is it possible to get copies of the mini-comics, aside from the occasional bits that get tossed up on eBay? If nothing else, I'd like to see the parallel universe story that didn't make it into the Common Grounds Image run.

Troy Hickman said...

No, Erin asked me to post on her blog, mainly on weekends, so that she can occasionally do things like an actual person. So I've been posting these little "Hickstory Lessons" on her blog, then reprinting them here a short time later. And yeah, I have copies of Holey Crullers, which I sometimes let my kid put on ebay. But I'm sure I could be talked out of a set, too...